“Trust Issues” It’s not about one person in my past; it’s about all of the ones I cut ties with; and their similar behaviors/traits. 

I really do make an effort to be as genuine as I can be when I write. Not for validation, attention or acceptance. Mostly for self reflection. On rare occasions I’ll read something back and delete it because it was too much for me to share but often; I’ll just reinforce my beliefs.

I don’t really humor anyone: I don’t care if it’s work; friends or family. (Not to say I’m an asshole) or carry myself with a negative attitude. It’s just not in me to kiss ass or to put up with someone because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I’ve told plenty people in my life; “I no longer want to be friends” and I do with intention. Never to hurt their feelings any further than I must for the sake of both they and I.

My role in someone’s life is to contribute to their wellbeing. I want to make sure that I remain a positive role-model, a good listener, a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, a shotgun buddy, and a loving & supportive partner. If at any point I can no longer contribute to their well-being, that it becomes a blur wether my presence is good, then I will politely remove myself from their life.

If it’s the other way around? I will ask for clarity in hopes of resolution before I decide to cut ties.

I feel like “Not being genuine” with who I am can create a false perception and that fucks with me. I’m ok that you don’t like me for me; I won’t resent you for it. “I’m not a golden coin to fit in everyone’s pocket”.

But it will fuck with me to pretend that things are cool. To create an illusion of someone I’m not. To drag something on in expectation.

The funny thing about it? Most of those I’ve cut ties; couldn’t fathom the idea that there is such a thing as a REAL friends; so they never treated me with the same amount of transparency because in their mind they already knew I would leave, “since everyone always leaves” they say.

But on my end? The fact that they believe our friendship won’t last, before we establish one, is a setup for failure. They already know the outcome. They’ll make sure they create it. So they never allow room to be a real friend. They become too caught up on the idea that; “everyone leaves eventually anyway”

I’ll take my chances. I rather have 1-2 friends I can count on them a dozen friends that remain around just for show.

Trust Issues