Even Detective Elliot has limits
Detective Elliot!
We have a cat. His name is Detective Elliot. I’ve never been a cat person, per se, so when he first arrived here? I kept my distance and he kept his. He knew exactly what he wasn’t allowed to do, not on top of my desk, on top of my bed, on the kitchen counters. He wasn’t allowed to bite or scratch furniture. He understood my limits! He also started showing me his. He only wanted me to pet his face, not his tummy, don’t touch his paws, don’t yell at him, NEVER take away his patio privileges as form of punishment. We’ve respected each others boundaries! He is SINCE then obviously now allowed to sleep on my bed! and I am obviously allowed to give him tummy rubs! But we worked collectively on this. He was very expressive; with his actions, with his meows, with his demeanor. I also made sure he understood my language. But hear me out ok?
Almost every friendship, relationship or family tie I’ve chosen to part ways with, has been as a result of their continual and failed attempt to break my boundaries.
I say almost because I’ve fallen short plenty
Limits
Anyone that has played a role in my life, knows them very well. I will express them clearly. I will show you when I’m not ok with something. I will do it respectfully. If I’ve said I am not in the right mindset to be in a relationship, or that I’m ONLY interested a friendship, sex, bedroom kink, or a Nonsexual BDSM dynamic? That is exactly what I mean. I doubt anyone that knows me would say otherwise. If a new arrangement desires to be made, it will not happen during sex or during a scene, unless it means I need to stop for your wellbeing and safety. I will not push your boundaries! Specially if you’ve never been clear about them.
(And I think this is where I fucked up)
If you’re not being clear about your limits how will anyone know what they are? If you are still trying to figure that out?; you may be putting at risk any potential play partner or potential relationship because you discovered down the road, that you may have allowed someone to cross a newly recognized limitation and now? they have offended you!
In my personal experience; people who have yet to figure out their limits, often take offense to the boundaries you’ve set against them. I’m no therapist, but I don’t think they’re bad people with ill intentions; it might just stem from their experience with trauma and the amount of people that broke their boundaries when they tried to set any.
I understand those who are actively trying to figure these things on their own; and choose to do so in a healthy way. Certainly those who are very vocal about them and are happy to work with you; those who are expressive and make room for collective growth. I am not talking about them. I’ve been a victim of chaotic abusive people, both men and women. I’ve been around people with selfish intentions and hidden agendas. People who aren’t clear about their intentions with me.
But, If I am clear about my intentions, my limits, and yet cannot clearly see yours? It should come to no surprise why I’ve set my boundaries very high and made sure that I am not simply misunderstood. I will also protect those that I love and will enforce strict limits as to what CAN and CANNOT happen. I will push away, I will clearly state what we are NOT, and what that means.
This usually sets the standard and makes room for me to see people in their true nature. How do they react to my limits? What type of limits do they have? What type of boundaries have they set in the past? How do they see themselves? What are their core values, what do they stand for? How do they heal? how well do they communicate their needs and wants? How well do they communicate their limits?
Bloom…
I cannot invest in anyone who isn’t aware of what their limitations are. It’s a risk I am not willing to take. I am grateful for those who played a role in my life and have allowed this new prospective to transcend. It is through them that I learned to become a better version of myself. It is through them where I am able to recognize further flaws that upon recognition? Will be my new challenge for a better version of me. One that will flourish, one that will bloom
DDLG Lifestyle 
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