DDLG Lifestyle

In this era of exploration, I’ve seen more Poly people come out of the shadows in the last 5 years than I’ve ever seen in my life. I grew up in a Poly household in the 90’s. So believe me when I say; it was frowned upon. Still is. You can find plenty educators/influencers with relatable information at the touch of a finger. But, who’s right? How does it work? How do you get past jealousy? How do you become emotionally invested in each other? Is there a hierarchy? What are the rules of engagement? How do you promote equality among each other? How do you deal with criticism?

We are all entitled to our own opinions and with that? We respect others those who are making a genuine effort to live a healthy lifestyle. I/we will NOT instill our ideas or views on anyone. Our dynamic didn’t develop over night, so it isn’t easy. It’s much easier now. It’s beautiful. It’s hard work.

I can’t get past the idea of how silly hierarchy sounds to me. The whole ranking system alone doesn’t add up in my mind. Giving someone priority doesn’t click. Our approach is based more on the level of trust established and the amount of quality time invested. To reach a level of openness that continues individual and collective growth. To speak truth. To share emotions. Of course each approach will be at its own pace but NEVER at the cost of neglect, reject, dismissing or ignoring any one of us. This is what work for us. These are our prerequisites.

Jealousy isn’t bad. It’s how you choose to go about it that can bring potential destruction to your relationship. To assume the worse of each other without making room for growth and constructive criticism.

Our biggest threat doesn’t come within.

Our biggest threat comes from outside. I will also not play the blame game. Sometimes people don’t know any better, they’ve never experienced it. I/we take responsibility for my/our actions. We became invested in the idea of others potential. We ignored the signs too. People who have never sustained a healthy relationship with their past. People who cannot ever take responsibility for their actions. Liars, cheaters, manipulators of the truth. People who prefer assuming rather than asking. The list goes on. Im not here to target anyone specific and I refuse to use our platform to address personal issues but I’m certain I’ve already offended more than a few folks who seem to never get enough of us, lol. That shit is High School drama. Im speaking about most of our Poly invested experiences from people who have never had positive experiences in any capacity. If you know your jealousy is toxic, or you simply don’t see yourself sharing? Recognizing it, is probably the smartest decision you can make for yourself, for your sanity, your health and for others. Or! Hear me out ok? Speak out about your real wants and needs. Set hard limits and stick to them. What is it that you crave? To explore a kink that won’t require any genuine effort outside of the bedroom? Are you looking to fulfill a fantasy? That alone requires maturity, respect and discipline. Respect boundaries and don’t allow your insecurities to take a toll on others.

Don’t do it for anyone else!

Don’t try this for anyone else. Don’t! Not even as a kink. Mostly men are to blame for this. If you have existing problems in your relationship, and you feel it’s a good idea to include other playmates just to fulfill your partners desires? You will pay the consequences severely. Prepare for a breakup. Prepare for unnecessary drama. Also? How can you be so selfish that you needed to now include a third person who may have to carry that horrible experience of your insecurities and your drama because you or your partner lashed out: This is why transparency and the capacity to communicate is crucial. Keep it real!

Learn through others

I know I’ve said this in the past. Every potential relationship and even friendship in the lifestyle brings you something new. Something you’ve never experienced. A lesson in life, new knowledge and deeper understandings. Doesn’t matter if the experience was good or bad. What is your takeaway from that engagement? What did you learn about yourself? I’ll start. I’ve learned to be more patient. To be more understanding. I learned that I lack experience in areas that require a deeper understanding in mental health. I learn to trust my instinct.

In the end…

As you proceed to do and engage in the things that make you happy? Make every effort to speak openly and discuss the things that don’t sit well with you. Make sure you protect what you already have from potential toxic invasion. Make sure you don’t become the one spreading toxicity. Leave open lines of communication and be as transparent as you can be. Respect boundaries. If you desire to pursue something more serious with someone and you know that sex may impede a deeper connection? Restrain yourself from those urges. Some things can wait. Some things are worth waiting.